Your monthly dose... ^_^

wow! exactly a month since my last post :P

so basically I'll just make a list of what has happened for the past month. Because I'm too tired to write long paragraphs.

1) got a raise - nothing significant, percentage wise it's bigger than the rest... but my salary base is low so it nullifies the high percentage.

2) got my performance bonus (yey!) but most of it went to my Japan fund, so now I have enough for fare and accomodations... now all I need is pocket money :P

3) planning out my Japan trip. hehehehe XD called up a few travel agencies that offer japan packages... and they are expensive T_T but I think I can survive 6 days in Japan with my sister (yes I am bringing her along since I'll be adding 130$ in airfare if I go alone, so it's cheaper).

4) I got bangs! :P which I post somewhere and hope to show iya and belle since they don't see me on a daily basis.

5) Getting the tired-of-my-job-but-won't-complain-if-you-make-it-worth-my-time sickness... in other words... make my salary higher than it is now! It seems that I'm earning under the "market value" of my job.

6) Been on time for work just once this week. I think it's a manifestation of my #5 sickness.

7) Some days at the office are a struggle. Some days they're ok, like I get along with the people well. At some days, I feel so off and lazy that I only do facebook at post in some BB's. Another manifestation of #5.

8) having another bout of loneliness. It's not the typical I need a friend loneliness. It's more of the I need a boyfriend type of loneliness. Of course there's Mabo to keep me pre-occupied like reading stuff about him, but that's all there is to it. But what's a JE idol that's living 1800 miles north of me, compared to someone who's really here. It's different, I'm just fangirling Mabo nothing more. *sigh* but I'm actually wishing that I had someone right now.

9) This is related to my #8 *knocks her head twice* Reality check for me. Mabo's a JE idol and I'm just me :P and the probability of meeting him is close to one in a billion. And they usually avoid fangirls :P But I would hope that I would get to meet him or someone from JE preferrably Nagase or Taichi or Gusan or Toma or Maru or Massu or Jin or Ohkura or even Yuu *sigh*. Sige I'll add Yamapi too :P And I'm back to fangirling. hahaha.

It seems that I should be doing higher pursuits, thinking about what could further my career and build on that in order to reach my goal. But what is my real goal? I don't even know the answer to that. I mean setting a goal for Japan was good, but what happens next after I get to go there? Resuming my goal of having a family and kids at the age of 30 or so? :P well as of the moment, they don't sound so appealing right now. There's also the goal of opening my own restaurant/cafe of sorts, but good luck on that as I don't have the money for it, so that'll take sometime.

I just want a companion right now, someone who just knows when something is wrong and just give you a hug without even talking. I'm too much of an idealist, these type of guys don't even exist, well they do but they're rarely found as single. I just want somebody to love and for that someone to love me.

Monthly post! Bah!

And yet again I forgot my monthly post. I was supposed to make one on the 31st... but procrastination got the best of me. And hopefully I can make two posts this month of June :). I think I should start practicing my photography, but I haven't had the chance. It seems that nature has a way of discouraging most of the trips that I'm planning to take. I do plan on taking them, it's just a matter of when and who I'll probably be with (that's because I probably won't get my parent's blessing on going on a trip alone but I do plan on doing it someday). Anyhoo, places I want to go this year?

1. Dasol
Due to bad weather my trip was canceled and basically we still haven't set a date because it's the rainy season na. It's with my officemate... and hopefully we'll get to take some awesome photos there.

2. Bohol
It's a semi-planned trip to be taken on August this year... we still need to book the flights though. There's 6 of us who plan on going. Now all we need is constant communication.

3. Hongkong (ulit?!)
Well I told my dad that he should treat us to a family trip to Hongkong... but since there is the onslaught of the AH1N1 virus, he'll probably bail out. not a problem since there's always next year! hehehehe :D

Just another random run

1. I'm addicted to Beyonce's Halo.
I'm having a phase where I have this one song playing on loop over and over and over again. I'm not sure why but I like listening to this song. It's just a feel good song.

2. I'm currently eating apple chips.
I bought a bag of apple chips like two weeks ago. And basically, they're like potato chips but they just used apple. And this is the only time that I got to open it, and I'm munching away. *tries to stop herself from muching the whole bag* sugar is bad for me, since my blood sugar is over the normal limit. hehe

3. I finished my photography workshop.
I finally graduated from my workshop, despite me being absent on the fourth saturday. Ok, I have to admit that I was completely lazy that day, and I guess I missed a lot since there was the ICS poses that were taught, etc. But no worries, it was a missed opportunity so no use sourgraping about it. Though I plan on attending a free workshop about food photography on the 23 of May :).

4. I want to go on a hiatus, like a month or so.
Well more like a long vacation where I'd just be by myself and take a lot of pictures. Landscape photos mayhaps? I'm tired of being in the work force... and honestly I was a bit burned out this week as there was a deadline on friday and a deadline on my photos (which I know I should've done during the holy week but it was too hot for me). And next week? well we have two more jobs that we need to finish by the end of the week. *sigh*

Random thoughts and rants

It's been over two months since I last made an entry. I actually promised myself that I would make at least a post in every month. Once a week is too much for me ^_^ Laziness probably? Or maybe just the inferiority complex of not being a good writer at all :P As if someone would bother reading this right?

Anywho here are just some random thoughts that are going into my head:

1) I can't say no to people.
I can't remember as to when I actually said yes or no when I really wanted to say yes or no. Lately as much as I wanted to say no or yes, I always end up saying what they expect me to say (and that's usually a yes). And after that I'd end up regretting saying yes because it wasn't what I wanted to really say at all. Take for example, my officemate's wedding, at that time she gave an invitation I said yes. At the back of my mind though I thought I wouldn't that be comfortable at the wedding at all. Why? well there would be people from office too but I do not really talk to them that much and basically I'd be in a dress which at the moment wasn't fond of wearing. By the time the weekend of the wedding came, I ended up making some lame excuse as to why I couldn't not to go.

2) I think I really need a long vacation, like a month or so before going back to the workforce.
I need a break. I just want to stop pretending and just be my lazy self who likes to take a lot of pictures of different places. If only I had a lot of money to spend right? Or maybe I just need be myself again and think of what I really need and want to do. But doing something I want isn't a luxury that I have right now. Well for one thing, my mom's always breathing down my neck as to why I haven't started applying at BSP (like it's that easy to get in there *sigh*). Maybe I could talk to my dad about taking a break, maybe then I could collect my thoughts and be my old workaholic self again.

3) On a lighter note, I've started to appreciate Jpop music despite the language barrier.
I've been listening to Jpop music since the end of January. It was all due to an office mate of mine who was into Jdoramas. Eventually, I became addicted to the music of a edgy Jpop/Jrock band. And being the rock-ish person I actually liked the melody of the songs. And I ended up researching the meaning of the lyrics and liked them even more. And now I ended up being a fan (girl? *cough*) of the drummer of the band. Of course there are other artists that I like too like Flumpool, Do As Infinity and some L'Arc En Ciel. Maybe I'll try Mr. Children next time. And this has made me trying to save up for a trip to Japan next year.

4) I'm taking up photography lessons to express the artist in me.
Since I bought an DSLR last December '08 I've been itching to attend that photography workshop that came with the camera. And so far so good. I'm actually liking the class and I'm learning a lot with it. Well, except for that certain guy that I'm starting to get irritated with. Why? well because he's becoming an obnoxious artsy person that just wants to makes photographs that will win contests, so eventually he'd become a pro. I'm sorry but I just want to say to him that not everybody in the class wants to become a pro like he does. So he should just shut up. I mean I am serious about photography, but I'm not really gonna make it my life. Does he even stop and appreciate the pictures taken by his groupmates? To each his own I guess. I don't really like taking pictures with him. Two more saturday's then.

5) I'm slowly re-discovering myself again.
It seems that when I thought I knew myself well enough, I do something that makes me rethink everything again. Before I really thought that I would like to work in a corporate setting, I mean since I was studying biology I didn't want to wear scrubs at all. I imagined myself working in a cubicle, doing stuff like accounting. But then after I graduated and got into the workforce, I enjoyed it for a while. And then I ended up thinking that the corporate world was fake. And during my free time I wanted to try cooking and baking stuff. I really enjoyed it. And other people enjoyed the food I cooked too. And then there's photography, I do enjoy taking still life pictures. Although portraits are cool too but I think that I'd better stick to the more cooperative subjects (ones that don't move). So that got me thinking if I should delve more into food photography? Or just put up my own resto, though that would be quite expensive and cash is something that I don't have.

6) I miss some of my friends.
It seems that some of them, well I guess we're not on the same level anymore. But I guess some people just move on from their lives. It's ok I guess, at least I still have the important ones with me :), and that's all that matters. Though I'm not really sure why they put up with me :P

Mad

So I've been playing this song on loop in my cellphone (heehee cause I haven't fixed my pc yet so I can't update my Ipod). It's my LSS :P but I just like listening to it, makes me feel want to sing hahahahaha. I have to say that I always like NeYo's songs like So Sick, Go On Girl, Because of You. It's just makes you want to listen and hum along to his music all day long. heehee I wished that I got to see his concert here. But then again, I had work then and no money to buy a ticket :P Maybe I'll get the chance to watch again, provided that he's going to perform here again in Manila.

so... yun lang :P trying to squeeze something out but I really can't find a topic to post ^_^

Very Merry Christmas!

So it's the holiday season and I've been wrapping gifts non-stop for my nieces and nephews from my mother side. Well, they're mostly the kids of my cousins' from the mother side. But majority of the gifts I wrapped was for immediate family like my dad, my mum, ates', rhine (brother in law), ayi and the newest addition to our family Baby Liana. However, baby Liana can't really appreciate the gifts because she is still a baby.

So what's the sense of this post? actually it's just a crap post cause my thoughts are currently disorganized. Thinking about my new niece that's in the hospital (she was one week pre-mature). My prospect at work that I usually end up ignoring all because I don't want to be that obvious (i knoooow). My diet that was put on hold (you don't have to tell me). The haircut that was also put on hold because of my diet ^_^. The stuff that I need to bring home to the province because of all the clutter here in my room. What to pack since we're leaving for the province tomorrow. What do I need to bring just so I won't get bored for the next 8 days at our house in the province. Should I get a UV filter for my camera or would a polarized suffice? Will I get the chance to go around and take pictures with my camera?

So many things to do, so little time. :P oh well.

A Very Clean Cut!

So here's the story of how I have finally found my real closure.

Being a person who is innately curious (and apparently had nothing to do with her spare time), I couldn't help but look at his myspace profile yet again. And there I saw an I love you message from a girl who was in the same area as he was at the same time I sent my email to him. I was literally dumbfounded, and then called up Kuya and then I felt so happy for myself.

As per my previous post, I have obviously told everybody including myself that I am over him. Well, yes to a certain point. Of course there's that "thing" that still lingers. I couldn't call it love nor would I call it anger or any other emotion that would register whenever there are issues in the matters of the heart. But I guess the closest would be guilt? I mean what if he didn't and he's waiting, blah blah blah. That kind of stuff that you usually feel during the post break up phase. But this feeling was on an extended phase, like two years extended *tsk tsk* for me right?

So my main point? I lingered too long. Apparently I was easily replaced. And the funny thing is, I feel dumb and happy at the same time. Is there such an emotion? I guess because I'm feeling that emotion right now. I feel dumb because I obviously was the only one who was holding on, when I was already replaced by someone else, easily might I add. But I'm also happy, because now I really can move on. It didn't hurt as I expected it to be. Like the times where he'd be gone for months and I'd be worried and all that. It's like a burden was lifted off my chest.

And honestly, I couldn't care less if he answered my email or not. ^_^ So here's to you! Thanks! and I'm not being sarcastic about it. I'm not mad, just simply happy now. Because I know I'm able to find someone better now.